Operation Panfin
by Toothy Halcyon
Summary: In recent years, Iceland and Hong Kong have started to close themselves off from the outside word. Determined to keep them from becoming shut-ins, the Nordics and China decide to set up their brothers on a date with each other. With the Bad Touch Trio becoming involved in this budding romance, it's sure to be an interesting night. Rewrite of the original Operation Panfin.


Here's the thing about nations and romantic relationships. Most of them have been around for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and despite how some history books make the world out to be, not all of those years have been spent on war. In fact, quite a few of them have been relatively peaceful. Those years were spent on people grooming and slowly developing their lands and the nations overseeing their progress with a wise and watchful eye.

Of course, that can get boring after a century or so, so once nations develop enough, they tend to strike out into different areas of life. They take up personal lives and make romantic advances on their neighbouring nations, the only people around long enough for them to get really attached to. Even a mortal enemy of a few centuries can be more comforting than a human on one's side, if they're going to be around for less than half that long.

Due to this cycle of peace, boredom, and romance, by the beginning of the 21st century, it was fair to say that most nations had been with most of their neighbours, at the very least. To them, that didn't mean as much as it might to a mortal man. Having a few dozen partners over one or two thousand years didn't seem like all that much.

In addition to that was the fact that a lot of nations had that one person they truly considered their partner. It was the one who'd had their back or even been their enemy in countless conflicts, the one whose house would always be open to them when they needed a rest, the one who they might actually think of properly marrying nowadays. Nations certainly didn't mate for life but all the same, they made bonds stronger and deeper than most humans could hope to find in the time a single lifespan allotted them.

Or, at least that's how it went in most cases.

Then, you had Iceland, who had never even been on a proper date before. He spent most of his time sitting in his own home and minding his own business.

This wasn't entirely his fault. Iceland was a small, island nation, separated from the mainland of Europe by a considerable amount of water. He didn't get too many visitors in the first place. Then, there was the fact that Iceland had some of the most protective older brothers in the world and he'd spent most of his life being sheltered by them. He hadn't gained complete independence from Denmark until mid-20th century. By the time that'd happened, he'd already grown perfectly accustomed to being alone all the time. He wanted to make it on his own, after that, and felt like he didn't want or need anyone new in his life.

At first, this attitude had been perfectly fine with Norway, Iceland's caretaker of many years. He knew from personal experience how painful romantic attachments could be, so he approved of his little brother's loner behavior. Lately, however, it'd been getting out of hand. Iceland hadn't just been refusing to make friends or get attached to anyone new. He'd also been refusing to go out with his brothers. His _brothers_, the people who had _raised_ him. If Iceland didn't even have the time of day for Norway and the rest of the Nordics, then Norway knew it was time to take action. He was determined to get his little brother out and about, or at least make him more eager to spend some time with his brothers.

Unfortunately, Iceland had gotten wise to his game, and he was having none of it. It was an uphill battle for the both of them.

-Around the Clock Transition-

It was almost completely silent in Norway's study, despite the presence of the two people sitting in there. The study was the sort of room designed to stifle any sort of noise, and even its inhabitants' desire to make noise. It was a large room in the center of the house, away from any windows or fresh air, and the amount of furniture made it seem smaller than it was. Two whole walls were lined with built-in bookshelves, covered in dusty, old tomes, a few children's books featuring fluffy bunnies, and the odd paperback romance hidden behind an old tome here and there. A third wall was occupied in one corner by a roll top desk covered in various fancy pens and stationary sets and an ornate grandfather clock in the other. The steady tic-toc of its swinging pendulum was the loudest sound in the room.

Seated in two of the cushy, brown armchairs were Norway and Iceland. Iceland had one of his brother's thick volumes of fairytales out and was reading through it slowly, his gloved hand hardly making a sound as it turned the pages. Norway had a few knitting magazines at his side, which he'd been flipping through without much focus earlier and had now abandoned in favor of staring at the face of the clock with his usual blank expression.

They'd been sitting in this arrangement for over three hours and they hadn't said a word the entire time. This silence might've unnerved many other nations, but not the Nordic brothers. They knew better than to feel uncomfortable around each other just because they weren't speaking. To them, silence was golden.

However, the moment the clock struck 7:30, Norway broke that silence. As if he'd been waiting for a cue – which he sort of had been – he uncrossed his legs and turned his gaze onto Iceland. Iceland either did not notice this action or ignored it, as he continued to page through his book. Norway spoke up after staring him down for a minute.

"It's time to go, Iceland," he announced, to no reaction on Iceland's part. "Come on. We're meeting Denmark and the others for drinks at eight."

At last, Iceland glanced up without moving his head. He spotted Norway sitting up straight, watching him expectantly, and then looked back down at his book. "I'd rather go home," he said.

Norway pursed his lips slightly. "That wasn't a request," he said. "You're getting out of the house and going to see our brothers. That's it."

"Sorry, I can't," Iceland told him, not sounding too sorry at all. "Canada's petsitting Mr. Puffin till 8:30. I have to pick him up before that."

"So call him. Tell him to keep Puffin longer."

"No. That'd be rude. And I'd still rather go home. I'm tired."

"Iceland, just be a good little brother and come out with us."

The rising level of agitation in Norway's voice caused Iceland to pick up his head and close the book, giving his brother his full attention. Norway was standing now with his arms crossed over his chest impatiently. He was probably trying an intimidation technique, but unfortunately for him, this didn't work on him as well as it did when he looked like he was six. Plus, Iceland knew what he was really up to. "Who is it this time, Norway?" he asked. "Who're you trying to set me up with?"

Iceland really was a sharp boy. Norway knew his little brother got that from him. It was both something to be proud of when he could brag about it and something to annoy him immensely when it was inconvenient. "It's Netherlands," Norway said. "Dinner at eight."

"_Netherlands_?" Iceland echoed in disbelief. "Why did you pick _him_? He's twice my size and he's always glaring like he's angry."

"With all these dates you've blown off, you're starting to run out of options. And anyway, so is Swe."

"But you're not trying to trick me into going on a date with Swe."

"If you wanted someone your own size, you should've gone out with Seychelles a few weeks back, when you had the chance," Norway said pointedly.

"What, or Estonia, a month before that?" Iceland snapped, narrowing his eyes. "Or Romania? Or the other half dozen people you've tried to set me up with? I told you before, I'm not interested in dating anyone."

"You don't have to marry them, Iceland," Norway said, slowly pacing closer towards him, "or even start a relationship. I only want you to get out of the house for a bit."

"No thanks."

Tic.

"That wasn't a request."

Toc.

"I don't care."

Tic.

"You're going out tonight."

Toc.

"I'm not."

Tic.

"And having a good time."

Toc.

"I refuse."

Tic.

"And when you come back-"

"No."

"-you'll have had a good time-"

"No."

"-and you'll thank me and call me big brother."

Toc.

Norway leaned in close over Iceland and stared him down with his stern, dark eyes. Iceland stared back, holding his ground. It was a clash of wills between two stubborn brothers. The grandfather clock provided the battle hymn.

Tic.

Toc.

Tic.

-Wining and Whining Transition-

"Heh-hey! Nor's here!" Denmark jovially called out. He, Finland, and Sweden were seated on barstools at the hand carved wooden bar, each of them already on their second beer. They'd planned on meeting together there that night, as they often did, after Norway sent off Iceland on yet another surprise date. All of them were aware of the blonde's schemes for his little brother, and though Finland would have tried to approach him more openly about the matter, Denmark would've pushed him into socializing a little more forcefully, and Sweden would've sort of uncomfortably ignored the issue, they all agreed that yes, Iceland needed to get out more often.

Tonight, Poland, dressed in pumps, a black mini-skirt, and a pink tank top, was tending bar. Aside from the Nordics, China and Korea were there as well, sitting together at one of the tables. They were sharing a few drinks as Korea made outrageous claims over things he'd invented, such as swing sets and table salt. France, Spain, and Prussia also had their own little booth in the corner and they were cackling over some unknown but likely unsavory matter.

Norway entered the bar and approached the rest of the Nordics with quick, purposeful strides and a dark look on his face. Denmark, unfortunately, failed to notice these details and continued to greet him as cheerfully as ever. "What's up? Did you drop off Ice on his date?" he asked. "You see him hit it off with Netherlands or anything?"

Norway responded to this by shoving Denmark off his stool, claiming that seat as his own, and brusquely ordering a beer.

"Like, coming right up, Norgie-sweetie," Poland giggled. He winked at the Nordic, sending a sparkly, gold star spinning his way, before zooming off to fill a frosted mug for him. He returned a few seconds later as Denmark was righting himself, muttering about some great stool stealing injustice which had just occurred. Norway took the beer as soon as it was served to him and took a great swig from it. He then slumped over the bar and began sulking hard enough to create a dark aura around him.

Finland and Sweden exchanged a quick glance as Denmark hoisted himself up onto the next stool over and then gently, they poked the dragon.

"Norway," Finland began cautiously, "what's the matter?"

Norway glared at his mug for a few seconds more before muttering, "My _dear little brother_ is being a great brat again," and taking another drink.

"Huh? You mean Ice?" Denmark asked, the offense already forgotten. "What, did he piss off Netherlands already? You making him wait out in the car right now? 'Cause I told you, those two weren't going to work out right."

"No," Norway sighed, "it's not even that." He sat back and tried to take a deep, calming breath before going on, "I couldn't even get him out the door. Iceland caught on that I was trying to set him up again and he refused to go along with it."

"Oh, not again," Finland said sympathetically. "He did this the last couple of times when he was supposed to go out with Estonia, didn't he?"

Sweden let out a short grunt that might have indicated that he was impressed. "He's learning quick."

Norway couldn't help but give that a second's thought. Iceland _had_ been catching on to these set-ups more easily lately. Even on those first few tries when he didn't know what was going on, he'd always gotten out of his dates pretty quickly too. Norway was beginning to think that he would never get Iceland out of the house if he kept up these tactics.

"Man, I don't get what the big deal is!" Denmark laughed, slapping Norway on the back and coming dangerously close to making him spill his beer and causing a full scale riot. "So what if Ice blows off some lousy blind dates. I wouldn't want to date that weirdo Estonia either."

"Denmark, Estonia's not weird," Finland insisted, sticking up for his old friend. "He's just a little quirky."

"Is that what you call quirky? Being married to his laptop and raising psycho dough balls in his house? Face it, Fin; the dude's weird."

Although the exact words were wrong and mostly made Norway want to punch Denmark, he had a point as well. Unlike most other nations, Iceland hadn't been around that much. At all, really. All along, Norway had been thinking that if he could just get Iceland out there in some social-sphere, then he would _stay_ out there but now, he was beginning to realize that that wasn't enough. Iceland needed a really positive experience if he was going to continue dating. He was too cautious of a person to do otherwise.

Maybe it was time to rethink things.

"Guys, hey," Norway spoke up, interrupting a small argument between Denmark and Finland on the true nature of the mochis, "who do you think would be a good match for Iceland?"

"Um, a good match?" Finland echoed, tilting his head curiously. "That's a hard one. I know what Ice is like but I don't know if his type is someone like him or opposite him or if he even has a type at all!" He laughed and smiled slightly, saying, "It's just hard to say for someone who's never dated before, you know?"

"I'm guessin' Ice needs another loner freak like himself," Denmark said.

"Or s'meone else quiet," Sweden corrected him, remembering the destruction in the wake of previous instances of Denmark calling Norway and Iceland things like "loner freak."

"Well, when you put it like that, there's Germany, and Austria, and Greece," Finland listed off. "They're all sort of quiet."

"Yeah, and taken," Denmark snorted.

"We should try to think of someone a little younger too," Norway added. "Someone he can connect to."

Collectively, the Nordics scraped the bottoms of their brain barrels for a name. Young and quiet weren't common combinations amongst nations. Sweden was about to speak up and suggest Liechtenstein, who might have actually been a good choice, if they could just get around the Great Wall of Switzerland, when suddenly, a voice behind them spoke up.

"Excuse me," it said, "I couldn't help but overhear you aru."

The Nordics turned around and found that China had approached them and was watching them expectantly. In the background, they noticed Korea lying in an unconscious heap on the floor, quite possibly as the result of a groping attempt on his big brother.

"Oh, hello China," Finland greeted. None of the Nordics were very familiar with the Asian nation, but Finland was never one for awkward greetings, especially when it came to someone who was smaller and looked even less intimidating than him. "Can we help you with something?"

"Actually, I can help _you_ boys," China told them eagerly. "You're looking for a date for you little brother, Iceland, right?" Norway nodded cautiously. "Well, I have the perfect solution for you aru! You should set him up with _my_ little brother, Hong Kong!"

The Nordics tried to have a "problem solved" moment at this, like China seemed to be enjoying, but all they really could do was think hard for a moment and ask, "Who?"

"My little brother, Hong-"

"Hold on, you've got like, twenty little brothers or something," Denmark cut him off. "You're gonna have to be more specific."

"Of course aru," China nodded. He kept it in mind to try to remain respectful, despite the Nordic's obvious disrespect towards him. This was a very important presentation. "Hong Kong is my youngest brother. He lives a small distance away from me, although he used to live with England for a while. He's very respectable and a hard worker and-"

"Oh! Oh, wait, I remember now!" Denmark exclaimed, his expression brightening up with the realization. "He's the one with those huge eyebrows! He set off those fireworks under France's seat at the meeting last month."

"So _that's_ Hong Kong," Finland nodded. "Oh, I like him! He seems very lively."

Sweden stared at China, thinking hard, and asked, "But 's he Ice's type?"

China, who'd been trying to ignore Sweden – the Nordic's size reminding him too much for comfort of a certain neighbour of his – looked at him now and answered a bit nervously. "I'm sure they'll get along just fine aru. Hong Kong is a very good boy aru."

Norway couldn't help but be skeptical as well. He didn't want another of his little brother's dates to be over before it even began. "China, if your little brother is so great, then why are you trying to get dates for him?" Norway asked. "Why isn't he out here himself?" He already knew why he was doing it for Iceland. He wanted to hear what was wrong with this Hong Kong character. If it wasn't any worse than what Iceland had, he might consider the set up.

"There's nothing wrong with him," China was quick to insist, wanting to keep his salability high. "Hong Kong's just…a little difficult. It's hard to get him out of the house aru." Now, _that_ caught Norway's attention. "It's definitely all that jerk England's fault aru," China went on in a huff, glaring down at the floor. "When Hong Kong went to live at his house, he was a happy, hardworking little boy! But since he's come back, he hasn't been the same aru. He says weird things and he spends all day indoors, playing video games." As he noticed the Nordics watching him skeptically, China quickly back tracked to insisting, "But he's still a very nice boy aru. He just needs to get out aru."

Denmark and Norway exchanged a glance. They shrugged. Loner with video games hardly seemed any worse than loner with…whatever it was Iceland did in his spare time. Maybe sewing. No one was really sure. "Alright," Norway agreed, turning back to face China. "It's a date. Iceland and Hong Kong."

It was just going to take a little work, getting them together. But that was okay. They had all night to plan.

Meanwhile, a few nosy nations at the corner booth couldn't help but overhear their conversation.

"Well, well, well, do you hear that, my friends?" France purred, swirling the wine in his glass thoughtfully. "It seems that the Nordics and China are trying to set up their brothers on a little play date."

"Aw, how sweet of them. It must be nice to have big brothers who would do that for them," Spain commented, smiling sunnily. "I wonder how it'll go, though. I think Hong Kong and Iceland don't have much experience dating."

"Yeah, their date's gonna be lame," Prussia snorted. "Who the hell thought it'd be a good idea to put those weirdoes together anyway? They're from half way across the world or something. No way they're working out."

"I simply don't believe that's true," France insisted. "Just because the boys have different climates doesn't mean they can't be together." Although, his silver haired friend did have a point about one thing. This date between two inexperienced, teenaged nations had the potential to end disastrously. Love, mishandled, could leave its participants unwilling to ever look for it again. That was exactly why France felt it was his responsibility to oversee it, and make sure it turned out to be the most wonderful first date of all time. It was his duty to shepherd these two into the shiny new world of romance. After all, who knew more about love and romance than him? With the seed of a plot growing in his mind, France folded his hands onto the table and looked around at his friends. "Spain, Prussia," he began, smiling faintly, "I have an idea…"

-Double Trouble Transition-

Meanwhile, in a big, empty house which over looked the sea, Iceland sat alone. He was eating licorice from a bowl as he complained to Mr. Puffin about his childish, annoying brothers. He was growing steadily more annoyed with Norway's attempts to set him up with every other nation, and he was certain that the rest of them were in on this too. Iceland resolved that if they tried just one more of these schemes, he was going to become a full time shut-in.

And six thousand miles away in Hong Kong, in a house which faced the harbor and was filled with mess and sweets and cheesy action movie posters, Hong Kong was lying on the floor, his eyes glued to the TV and a game controller glued to his hands. He only moved occasionally to half-heartedly curse Princess Peach for running him off Rainbow Road. He'd already been lying there for about twelve hours straight. He could easily lie there for twelve hours more.

They were blissfully unaware of how the world was turning around them.


End file.
